via: misprinting

"Ever since the Olympics rolled into town everyone in Britain has had this weird upbeat feeling. Even long-term Leonard Cohen fans have sounded perkier than Andi Peters on Ecstasy. So what does David Cameron do? He decides to pour a giant bucket of steaming piss on our parade. And how does he do that? By having a reshuffle.

Don’t get me wrong, he needed to have a reshuffle — everything he’s done or tried to do since coming to power has been a disaster, from attempting to privatise trees to letting Chloe Smith talk in public. So, yeah, he needed to have a reshuffle all right, but the worst thing he could do was actually have a reshuffle. Because having a reshuffle took everyone out of our Olympic and Paralympic La-La land and reminded us that (a) we have a government; (b) it’s f***ing terrible, and (c) it’s just been reshuffled in a way that makes it even more terrible.

So what are the headlines? A woman who doesn’t like gays as Equalities Minister, a man who is frightened of flying as Transport Secretary and someone who lots of people would like to see dead in charge of Health. Seriously, who was behind this piece of strategy? The Chuckle Brothers? It’s like a joke reshuffle.

Why not go the whole f***ing hog and put Louis Walsh in charge of Defence and make an angry toddler Minister for Justice? How about Ant and Dec heading up DECC? The writer of Fifty Shades of Grey as Chief Whip? Or what about this — the decomposing heads of the Dragons Den bosses strung together to form a Newton’s Cradle running the Department for Work and Pensions?

But none of that is the Real Problem with the shake up. The Real Problem is that the Chancellor is still there. Cameron should have shuffled George Osborne out of the Exchequer and to the backbenches or, better still, off this f***ing mortal coil.

Why? I’ll tell you why. Because George Osborne is so f***ing unpopular that when he went to hand out medals at the Paralympics even the mascots Wenlock and Mandeville were giving him the finger.

And why is “Gorgeous George” so unpopular? (I use “gorgeous” ironically. And “George”, for that matter.) Is it because he has the shifty look of a sex pest caught rubbing himself over the buffet at a funeral? Or is it that he’s a millionaire who is doing to the economy what Russell Brand likes to do to granddaughters? Hard to say. All we know for certain is that since DC introduced his “happiness index” it has told us that George Osborne is the main thing responsible for our unhappiness. I’m not a believer in f***ing signs or portents but it can’t be a coincidence that his initials are GO.

Maybe I’m being too harsh on Cameron. Maybe I should give him a second chance — the way he gave his Head of Communications, Andy Coulson, a second chance before he was arrested and charged with perjury. (You may think as a former government Head of Communications I am gloating. I am not. I only mention it because I am writing this for a Murdoch-owned newspaper and I know how rigorous they like to be with the facts). But I don’t think I am being too harsh on the Prime Minister — I think the pancake-faced, claret-swilling pony-f***er has RUINED EVERYTHING (including my ability to hold down my tea when I see him on the evening news).

Cameron’s Government is so catastrophically incapable that this reshuffle is less like rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic and more like rearranging Titanics on a f***ing Super Titanic. And while the Titanics on the Super Titanic all head towards each other and the inevitable catastrophic conclusion he is parachuting in a team of expert ship scuttlers to speed things up. Meanwhile, despite the fact that a large amount of money has been spent on deckchairs, G4S have just announced that they will not be able to provide enough people to rearrange them.

The problem for the Conservatives is this: somehow, Christ alone knows how, the acceptable face of the Tory party is Boris Johnson. Yes. You read that right. Boris titting Johnson. A man who looks like he ate a scarecrow and sicked it up on himself. But he is also the only popular Tory. And the one and only Tory they can’t shuffle into the Cabinet.

So what should Dave do now? Well, the answer’s obvious. He should stand down and let Nick Clegg take over. I’m f***ing kidding. Seriously, can you imagine?

No, sadly for Dave, he’ll just have to keep plodding on RUINING EVERYTHING until the electorate won’t tolerate it any more and all his friends are in jail."  -

Malcolm Tucker, The Times (8/9/2012)

Yes, really. 

(via thehellofitall)

via: snapes
source: faineemae

Top Ten Differences Between White Terrorists and Others

faineemae:

1. White terrorists are called “gunmen.” What does that even mean? A person with a gun? Wouldn’t that be, like, everyone in the US? Other terrorists are called, like, “terrorists.”

2. White terrorists are “troubled loners.” Other terrorists are always suspected of being part of a global plot, even when they are obviously troubled loners.

3. Doing a study on the danger of white terrorists at the Department of Homeland Security will get you sidelined by angry white Congressmen. Doing studies on other kinds of terrorists is a guaranteed promotion.

4. The family of a white terrorist is interviewed, weeping as they wonder where he went wrong. The families of other terrorists are almost never interviewed.

5. White terrorists are part of a “fringe.” Other terrorists are apparently mainstream.

6. White terrorists are random events, like tornadoes. Other terrorists are long-running conspiracies.

7. White terrorists are never called “white.” But other terrorists are given ethnic affiliations.

8. Nobody thinks white terrorists are typical of white people. But other terrorists are considered paragons of their societies.

9. White terrorists are alcoholics, addicts or mentally ill. Other terrorists are apparently clean-living and perfectly sane.

10. There is nothing you can do about white terrorists. Gun control won’t stop them. No policy you could make, no government program, could possibly have an impact on them. But hundreds of billions of dollars must be spent on police and on the Department of Defense, and on TSA, which must virtually strip search 60 million people a year, to deal with other terrorists.

via: madame-scary-von-spooky-britches
source: juicyjacqulyn

Thin Privilege 

kayci-z-von-sweet:

itsfrenchthellama:

justmakebelieve:

juicyjacqulyn:

is comparing a few insults about your thin body, to a BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY TELLING THE ENTIRE WORLD THAT FAT IS THE WORST POSSIBLE THING YOU CAN BE.

Check your privilege.

So a naturally thin person who is constantly called disgusting, shocking and wrong for something that they can’t change or control is not at all comparable to their larger counterpart which despite being scrutinised by the fashion industry, is becoming more and more accepted and embraced in wider society?

Some of us are big, some of us are small. Everyone gets shit for how they look, and in my humblr (humble tumblr)  opinion, we have no right to say who is less or more of a victim.

Hannah I love you.

Mk, before I address the bullshit in this response, let me first say that the ONLY thing you got right is the fact that body-shaming of any kind is dildos. No matter your body type, your body is not a public thing people should feel the need to pass judgment on.

Now on to the bullshit.

You’re thin. You’ve got privilege. Get the fuck over it. No, any shit you get about being thin, while still being shitty, is not comparable. Did you ignore the bold? Y’know the fact that there is a BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY dedicated to telling people bigger than a size 8 that they are disgusting and the only way to be attractive and worth something is to be thin?

Yes, no matter what it sucks to have people feel entitled to diagnose you based on nothing more than your body type. But you know what? Any thin girl with an eating disorder will get help sooner than a fat girl with the same problem. If you’re thin and you go to the doctor for really anything, you don’t have to worry to worry about the doctors telling you that nearly every health problem you have is because of your size. No matter how unhealthy a thin person is, their size will be enough to so that no one will ever judge you when you eat or exercise. You’ll always either be so lucky that you can eat what you want and stay small or be a shining example of what happens when you work out (never mind the fact that thin doesn’t equal healthy or fit) You know what happens when you’re fat? People give you shitty looks when you eat ANYTHING. You’re fat and you eat a burger? How dare you keep adding more fat to your disgusting body? You’re fat and you eat a salad or have the nerve work out in public? ROFLCOPTERZ look at that disgusting fatty thinking they’ll ever be normal sized!

Shut up with this ‘fat bodies are becoming more accepted because of the fashion industry’ nonsense, too. You know what the fuck is happening? The fashion industry is (only barely) being forced to knowledge that they were creating a very unhealthy work environment for their models by driving them to develop eating disorders because apparently even a size 0 was too fat for high fashion. Talk to me about the fashion industry changing what an acceptable body type is when plus-sized models are just called models and they don’t have separate fashion shows.

As women (or people read as women) we are all subject to the same body-shaming crap and none of it is acceptable or right, but you will NEVER be subject to the level of shit that a fat person is. You just won’t. My friend Kels has more privilege than I do size-wise and I’ve got more privilege than my friend Ariel and so on. And you know what? We all accept that. We know that we all still have body-image issues. We still complain about them to each other. We never try and undermine what the other feels or goes through and we all acknowledge the privilege we have when necessary.

TL;LR? You’re thin, you have privilege. People body-shaming you is not comparable to a fat person being body-shamed. It’s still wrong, but it’s not the same, get over it.